Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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