whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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