Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Vodka?
Forever.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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