Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you win again, gameday.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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