As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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