I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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