Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
