True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
