OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
