Betty ford says i'm here all night
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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