I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
