we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize