i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
