i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
