I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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