ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
