Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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