True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
