His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize