You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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