Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
