Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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