Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize