The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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