I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
