She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
