I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize