You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize