I can tuck mytits in my pants
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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