my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
