First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
