glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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