I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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