Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
