the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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