Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
