she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize