Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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