Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
