her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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