i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
