hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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