I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
