If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
