i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
