1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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