and she was petting her beer can
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
