I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
