"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is Oprah even human
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
