Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
