haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
