I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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