grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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