he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
