don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The convent might be a nice break from real life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
