we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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