So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
