Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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