And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
