I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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