I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
