I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
