You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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