Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
