did you get engaged???
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
