in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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