I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
